Advice needed!!!

This topic has 10 replies, 1 voice, and was last updated 18 years, 8 months ago by Bigdaddy.

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February 13, 2006 at 3:19 am #6165

tastykacie
Member

Hi ladies,
I am in desperate need of some advice. I started emailing back and forth with a guy who was interested in my site, but wanted to get to know me first. No big deal, I like talking to people. Well, it took a few days and then it started to get weird.
First he told me to take my po box address off my site b/c someone could easily track down the location and put notes on it for me or wait there to see me. He said he was just “genuinely concerned for my safety.” I replied that I didn’t see it as a prob but thanks for the concern.
Then he started a few days ago to talk about BDSM, and how he wants to make me his slave and put a collar on me. I replied that it’s great that he enjoys his lifestyle, but it’s not for me, and I’m not comfy with that. So he keeps trying to justify that this would be a great thing for me, even though I told him I just really like to sell used panties semi-anonymously online. And he keeps writing lines about how he wants to meet me, and see me, or maybe I could go to a laundromat and he could get used panties there. I said no chance to all of these.
I didn’t reply to him yet, and am thinking about not replying at all b/c it’s really creeping me out. I then keep thinking about the po box thing and worried that he’s going to be weird. I don’t want to be rude to someone, especially b/c he keeps saying he’s only got email for communication b/c of medical stuff, but I don’t want to talk to someone that makes me uncomfortable.
Can anyone please advise me on what to do. Tell him I’m not going to be talking to him anymore? Ignore him? And should I be concerned about his po box statement? Thanks for your help!

February 13, 2006 at 5:34 am #6181

cherie
Member

Sounds like a tricky situation Kacie.Â Whenever I am unsure of how to deal with someone’s importunate email I just take my own sweet time in replying.Â Just because email is “instant” doesn’t mean you have to respond instantly, and any legit customer ought to understand that you can’t be spending too much time exchanging messages with just one person.Â My advice is to take a few days, even a week or two, to write back to him and think about what’s going on.Â Perhaps a good way of telling him “thanks, but no thanks” both firmly and politely will come to you.

And if you don’t instantly write back and he continues to pester you, well, you have a little more evidence to base your instincts on.

xox
Cherie

February 13, 2006 at 5:16 pm #6196

darkhairedkaren
Member

There’s nothing wrong with saying, “I’ve told you what my limits are (no D/s, no in-person meetings), please respect them.”Â Then cutting off contact if he doesn’t.Â If you tell him he’s making you feel uncomfortable he should know well enough to stop pushing.

There’s nothing wrong with posting your PO box address, so long as you check your box at varying times (e.g. not always at 6 pm, on your way home from work.)Â If you’re really worried you could always have a friend (female or male) check it for you.Â Or simply take the address off the web.

Hope it works out for you!Â :kiss:

February 14, 2006 at 3:09 am #6210

tastykacie
Member

Thanks so much for the advice. I haven’t written back yet, and am curious to see what more people have to say.

February 15, 2006 at 9:47 pm #6238

NurseTiffany1985
Member

i can totally see why you are a bit concerned kacie. i was looking into getting a po box what with all the probs with online payments, but nervous that someone could track it back to me. i enjoy selling panties, its a great turn on way of earning a little extra to pay off my debt, but i have a life and a job that i don’t want to jepordise. if anyone knows more about po boxes & traceability would love to hear it, in the meantime, i think i would be tepted to stop emailing, espec if he’s not bought anything yet….tiff x

February 16, 2006 at 11:05 pm #6252

tastykacie
Member

Okay, update on this situation. He sent me an email simply asking if I was ok b/c I hadn’t replied. I’m not going to let anyone think anything bad happened, so I wrote back that I was fine but he made me uncomfortable by his emails and I do not feel like I need to put up with it.
So he writes these long apologies, and I’ve been getting one a day. To get him to just stop, I explained that he pressured me to try and talk in ways I was not okay with and that I do not like when people make constant pleas to meet me. It makes me feel like they cannot respect my boundaries. I told him that if he wanted to continue to talk to me, he needs to respect me and my comfort zone because I am not one of those girls who will pretend to be fine with things I’m not. I am a person with feelings, who just wants to have fun with her kink and feel safe and happy while doing it.
I think I handled it okay. I’m not very good at not being nice to people, but I realize that sometimes you just have to lay it out there. So that’s that.

February 17, 2006 at 4:23 am #6254

Kinky Kate
Member

Kacie-
Sounds like you did a fine job.Â I for one am very strict concerning people respecting my personal boundries. I’m not unreasonable about it..they ask once, I say I don’t do that, but hey.. they don’t know if they don’t ask, right?Â If they ask again, I explain I’m not comfortable with that, it’s overstepping my personal boundries & nothing anyone says or does will change my mind on the issue. If they persist or criticize me for having these boundries, it’s 3 strikes & you’re out buddy boy!Â I cease all communication with them.Â Just because you’re out there providing a service, doesn’t mean you are at the beck & call of every Tom, Dick, Harry or Jane’s whims and/or obsessions.Â I have many times had to put my foot down.Â Don’t feel bad about it. It doesn’t mean you aren’t being nice.Â It means you care about yourself & are demanding the respect you deserve. Period.Â Keep us posted. ~Kate

February 19, 2006 at 9:01 pm #6259

cherie
Member

I’ve learned something interesting lately.Â Now I’m not sure how well this translates to worn-panty sales, because it’s a very different ballgame, but apparantly in the rest of the adult internet the guys who send fan letters are almost never paying customers, and the guys who are paying customers will almost never write to you.

This fits with my experience so far (my paysite is my main focus, not my panty-shop), but until I started hanging out at adult industry message boards I thought it was just me.Â Now I know that all the other girls – webcam girls, phonesex girls, etc and so on – say the same thing.

Go figure!Â Â :rolleyes:

Cherie

February 20, 2006 at 5:39 am #6263

darkhairedkaren
Member

[quote author=cherie link=topic=807.msg4962#msg4962 date=1140382862]
in the rest of the adult internet the guys who send fan letters are almost never paying customers, and the guys who are paying customers will almost never write to you.

Cherie

Wow, interesting, Cherie…Â I wonder if the non-paying guys write because they’re hoping for a freebie?Â Maybe I’m an anomaly, but the guys I correspond with regularly are also customers… and have become friends, as well.Â 🙂

February 20, 2006 at 10:06 pm #6278

tastykacie
Member

That is really interesting. I’ve really only had a few customers since starting, and it seems like it’s an even mix to me. There’s one customer that I trade emails with on a near daily basis that’s a return customer, and then another one who only emailed when he wanted to order something. I think it might just depend on the customer.
If anyone is interested in an update on my prob that started this email, here goes: After sending him the email laying down my rules, he sent a big apology and asked if I would give him another chance and he didn’t realize he was being pushy. So I told him he could have one more chance, but any mention of anything that makes me feel uncomfortable and I will never reply again, so if he agreed to that, we’re fine. He did, and now it seems like he will be placing an order w/ me very soon.
So I feel comfortable w/ the fact that I clearly told him what I would and would not be okay w/ in email and it’s up to him to make sure and follow my guidelines. So, I hope it will be okay from now on, but if it’s not, he only has himself to blame.

February 20, 2006 at 10:20 pm #6279

Bigdaddy
Member

[quote author=tastykacie link=topic=807.msg4981#msg4981 date=1140473208]
He did, and now it seems like he will be placing an order w/ me very soon.

Don’t let this guy play games with you darling. He’s had these conversations with you, scared you, got you to give him one more chance, and he’ll “be ordering soon”?! Forget it. A serious panty buyer would reach into his wallet pull out some cash and buy already. It pisses me off to see some guys string young ladies along like this. You experienced girls help me out here, am I right? This seems like a dude who’s just wasting your time. You don’t deserve to put up with all his BS.Â :angry:
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