Panty Dommes

[anni]

I had this guy on my blog try to tell me that I can’t make a living trying to be both a domme and a panty girl.

I basically called him stupid.

Not only am I not interested in either fetish to “make a living” but even if a girl was she damn sure could play in as many feilds as she damn well pleases.

I firmly believe women can and usually do take part in serveral different fetishes as well as play different roles within each. I guess the same goes for men, too.

The guy seemed like he was trying to help at first. Explain something to the brainless “instadomme”, but homie don’t play that.  mad

It’s not a big deal, it’s just that I’ve been stewing over it for a couple days and keep comming to the conclusion that this guy is unknowledgable and closed minded.

I am not some personality void robot with only one dimension to my character. Multifaceted is my middle name. I can feel sweet and inoccent and feel dominant and controlling.
Just the same as I can feel mad but also think its funny.

Its called emotions and character.  :rolleyes:

Anyway, I just wanted to vent and possibly learn what other people think about this. Was he trying to test me or something. How could someone be that dense?  :idiot2:

[Anna]

It isn’t that he is dense, it’s that he obviously has some firm ideas about what a domme should be and he was telling you his opinion. The fact is Anni, there are loads of girls who think they can Domme, hence the term ‘instadomme’, it’s only when you get into it that you realise that it really isn’t easy at all. I don’t touch online domming or financial domination because it is full of scammers and con merchants on both sides of the pretend coin, although it is a lot bigger in the US than anywhere else.  You are going to get hell of a lot more grief and you are going to be tested and wound up constantly by online ‘subs’. I guarantee it.

Some folk in the scene really believe that a domme is a domme 24/7 and so they would see panty girls as too obliging, too ready to bend over backwards to accommodate a customer…you can see his point…on one hand you’re sweet and cute and girly, on the other hand you are supposed to be grand, aloof and untouchable. Two very opposite ends of the spectrum. Some can understand that but you can’t expect everybody to see it the way you see it.

I keep my two personas very separate because of this anomaly. Having an image is 50% what you are and 50% what everyone else thinks you are. Why would a sub submit to you and obey your commands if he knows he can have you the other way for the price of some panties? Whichever way you look at it, these guys are your customers. Listen to what they say, take it onboard with a ton of salt but don’t let it get to you.

Having opposing personas can also indicate that you are a jack of all trades rather than a Mistress of one. If you intend to try both roles you have to be very, very skillful or be lucky enough to get some subs who don’t mind that you are also a panty girl because they do understand you can be both.

The most important thing to remember is that Dommes don’t need to justify anything.  :cheer:

[Ruby Red]

[quote author=Anna link=topic=2723.msg17811#msg17811 date=1193155398]

The most important thing to remember is that Dommes don’t need to justify anything.  :cheer:

I agree with you both [I think we’re all dynamic/multifaceted, sexy women and we CAN do it all, but some ppl in this world don’t, and never will, get it]

Not to get off topic, but talking about domination just gets me fired up  😉

I’d love to just tell someone,

“Lick my panties, pig, and LOVE it! You want more? Well, you can’t; not until I’m good and ready! Suck on my ass pop while I think of ways to HURT YOU  :knuppel2:

lmao lmao lmao

I had no fucking idea how erotic that was just typing it…ok turned on now :laugh:

[FemmeFatale4u]

With so many pretenders out there he may be seeing if you’re the real deal. He may be very new to it himself and have only seen the “instadomme” (I’ve met some who ask for advice and really think it’s as easy as typing in all caps!!)
I like what Anna says  :knuppel2:
I’m in control and I can do whatever I want 😉

[anni]

Its weird because I got a totally different response to this post on a domme site I frequent.

Ruby Red, you’ve got the idea. LOL

It’s not really hard, per say, its all about having fun, just like panty selling. If you’re not having fun in any fetish, then its not your bag.

A lot of subs do understand my position becuase a growing number of real time dommes aren’t traditional, they are normal people who have a fetish. Thats what we all are.

In fact, bratty young dommes are pretty popular.

I see what you are saying, though, Anna. It can be confusing for poor boys who want something specific. But what I’m getting at is that, no, I don’t fit the mold. I never have and I never plan on it.

I hope we can get a nice thread going. I find this topic very interesting. What do the panty boys think? Any subs on here have something they want to throw in?

Thanks for your comments so far, lovely ladies.  smt

[Anna]

Okay, firstly if we want to discuss this further we need to define fetish and domination because they are completely different.

Fetish is when someone has a sexual attraction to a particular item, a non-living item, as opposed to a man or a woman – such as panties, or socks, or rubber.

Domination is a behaviour, an activity, a set of rituals used by one person over another. The biggest mistake made by many Dommes is that this is just physical, ie caning, flogging or dressing up. A talented Domme can dominate a man in her jeans, with just a whisper that binds the very heart  of his psyche.

A Dominatrix can use a sub’s fetish against him as part of her domination of him, for example panties or rubber masks.

Real-time Dommes don’t have fetishes Anni, not in the true sense of the word, their subs do.

There are lots of different types of Domme – real time, prostitutes, traditional, online, financial, bratty princess, the list is endless but all must realise that yes, it has to be fun – if you aren’t enjoying yourself your subs will leave, but just like a panty business it must also be run professionally so there has to be some seriousness underlying  the fun.

Just like with the panty business newbies there are newbie-Dommes who don’t do enough research, don’t take it seriously or professionally and think it’s easy money for very little work. These newbies stand out a mile because as FF4U says they think it is all about being rude, or shouting, or using caps if online – YOU MISERABLE LITTLE WORM, YOU DISGUST ME!!

You don’t need to fit any mould Anni, you can be the type of Domme that you want to be, but you do need to understand a lot more than what you appear to understand at the moment.

The bratty princess type young Domme is very popular at the moment but do you want to be one of many? Or the best? As a Dominatrix myself I know that it can take at least a year to research all the different aspects of Domming, and more importantly work out your own style.

[anni]

True, true; especially the part about me learning more. Thats exactly what I am currently doing and it’s great.

Also about domination being much more than physical. This is the part I want to explore. Getting into someone’s brain and rewiring it to my desires.

I also like the idea of treating a sub like a toy or puppy. They are in no way superior to you, but you must take care of them. A broken toy or dead puppy is no fun. lol.

I forgot where I was going. Too early,lol.

[Lolly]

Mayyyyyyybe he’s looking for a free smackdown 😉

[laculotte]

…just what I thought, Lolly

they are always testing and pushing limits  :knuppel2:

[Anna]

[quote author=Lolly link=topic=2723.msg17870#msg17870 date=1193510288]
Mayyyyyyybe he’s looking for a free smackdown 😉

Oh wow Lolly – brilliant avatar pic. Hope it didn’t take you too long to get all the sand out?  :unsure:

[meyerlansky123]

Most of what I was going to say on the OP has pretty much all ready been said. But this dose seem to be an interesting topic. My point of view is if your happy, having fun and no one is getting hurt then do it. It is a bit sad that when you have a group of people with a shared interest you all ways have people telling others what to do. BTW I do know this topic is an old one.

[Mistressjayde]

Since getting into domination r/t when I turned 18 and getting in on the online domination three years ago. I am finding to be honest that the ones who do the best are the ones who do not fall into a mold. I personally think he was just trying to get your goat so you would give him a free smackdown. They do it all the time online totally sucks, but eh you get used to it.

[FreakySteve]

This is a very interesting thread with some viewpoints that I feel compelled to comment on, and maybe stir up some controversy in the process ;).

Generally speaking, fetishes, BDSM and the like, should be treated as fun and play. People who start to get too wrapped up in formalities, syntax and protocol, are missing the point. Whether you like panties or being tied up or hit or mindufcked is all okay, it’s all subjective and it’s all up to those who are paricipating. If all of the participants are legally censenting adults, then who cares about what other people think about the roles you play?

Anniespanties has the right idea “it’s all about fun,” and you can play any role that suits your desires. Being a Dom(me) is all about mentality, not title. It’s about mutual respect and enjoyment.

“Real-time Dommes don’t have fetishes Anni, not in the true sense of the word, their subs do. “
Where do I begin with this? Anna, you have stated some opinions in your post with the definity and certainty of a typical Domme who also still has much to learn (as do all Dom(me)s, myself being no exception). What is the “true sense of the word”? I have no interest in debating what a “true Dom(me)” is, so don’t bother, it was a rhetorical question that can be (and is constantly) debated on the BDSM community boards. I can safely say that if you were to ask any Dom(me), self-proclaimed or otherwise, they would agree that they all have fetishes.

Most people who are into kink have a leather fetish or other clothing fetish. Power exchange is a fetish. Body parts are also covered by fetish. So does this mean that a Dom(me) who receives foot worship doesn’t have a foot fetish, only the sub does?

People who think being a Dom(me) is all about what “They” want, really do not have a clue about what BDSM is all about and should proably re-evaluate their abilities in a relationship context. Thinking it’s all about “You” is a very selfish and potentially damaging attitude towards Domming.

It’s the selfish Dom(me)s, the uninformed Dom(me)s, the baby-Dom(me)s and others who create the bad perception of BDSM and kink that hinders those of us who are trying to spread positivity about fetishes and kink.

If someone wants to play multiple roles, then that is completely okay. There are many people out there who play the switch role too. When someone is buying panties or submitting, they are receiving some form of gratification that ties into the personalities of both people. There is a connection that results in a transaction, whether physical, mental, emotional, financial or otherwise. To suggest that any of these activities are so concretely and clearly defined is absurd. Mixing up the roles can definitely be part of the fun.

[Anna]

FreakySteve wrote:

“Real-time Dommes don’t have fetishes Anni, not in the true sense of the word, their subs do. “
Where do I begin with this? Anna, you have stated some opinions in your post with the definity and certainty of a typical Domme who also still has much to learn (as do all Dom(me)s, myself being no exception). What is the “true sense of the word”? I have no interest in debating what a “true Dom(me)” is, so don’t bother, it was a rhetorical question that can be (and is constantly) debated on the BDSM community boards. I can safely say that if you were to ask any Dom(me), self-proclaimed or otherwise, they would agree that they all have fetishes.

Okay, firstly DO NOT take part of my quote out of context and then lecture me on what you THINK I said.

THIS is what I said about fetishism

Fetish is when someone has a sexual attraction to a particular item, a non-living item, as opposed to a man or a woman – such as panties, or socks, or rubber.

and THAT is what I meant when I said ‘Real-time Dommes don’t have fetishes Anni, not in the true sense of the word, their subs do’. The word being ‘fetish’, and not always to do with domming – which I believe was the whole purpose of my post!

I was talking about a psychosexual fetish. The word fetish has two meanings. You are talking about clothing preferences. I love shoes and I own dozens of pairs but I don’t wank over them!

[FreakySteve]

Heehee…

I don’t want this to be confused as some form of personal attack, btw, but that particular statement was the most contradictory that I saw in this thread. It was also part of a fairly definitively stated bunch of information that was definitely incorrect, so I thought it would be fun to add my 2 cents.

I did not take the post out of context, I read the entire thing, a few times, as with the rest of the posts in this thread.

Using both quotes only adds to my statement. I completely agree with your definition of fetish and how it applies to the comments made. If you want to further narrow the definition, it still applies.

You have just described your own shoe fetish. You don’t have to wank over something to have a fetish for it. From Dictionary.com:

fet·ish
[fet-ish, fee-tish]
-noun
1. an object regarded with awe as being the embodiment or habitation of a potent spirit or as having magical potency.
2. any object, idea, etc., eliciting unquestioning reverence, respect, or devotion: to make a fetish of high grades.
3. Psychology. any object or nongenital part of the body that causes a habitual erotic response or fixation.

This also supports your definition, which supports what I was saying. Anyone can have a fetish, including Dom(me)s, “true” or otherwise, sexual or non-sexual.

You “love” shoes and own dozens of pairs. That is a shoe fetish. If you are a Domme, then you are a Domme with a shoe fetish (I know many, so you are not alone). If this is a non-sexual fetish, then fine, but it’s still a fetish. As for sexual fetishes, using my example, a leather fetish is not necessarily a “clothing preference”. Similar to panties, people like the look, feel, smell and taste of leather. Many Dom(me)s love the look, smell, feel and/or taste of leather to the point that it causes sexual arousal. This would be considered a fetish that a Dom(me) could have and is just one example of many. Either case supports the fact that Dom(me)s can and do have fetishes.

[Author]

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