SUMMARY OF LIFE!!

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  • #13814
    mikeguk
    Member

    Summary of Life

    GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:

    1) No matter how hard you try, you can’t baptize cats.
    2) When your Mum is mad at your Dad, don’t let her brush your hair.
    3) If your sister hits you, don’t hit her back. They always catch the
    second person.
    4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
    5) You can’t trust dogs to watch your food
    6) Don’t sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
    7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
    B) You can’t hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
    9) Don’t wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
    10) The best place to be when you’re sad is Grandpa’s lap.

    GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:

    1) Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree
    2) Wrinkles don’t hurt
    3) Families are like fudge…mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
    4) Today’s mighty oak is just yesterday’s nut that held its ground.
    5) Laughing is good exercise. It’s like jogging on the inside.
    6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.

    GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD

    1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
    2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
    3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you’re down
    there
    4) You’re getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair
    that you
    once got from a roller coaster.
    5) It’s frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask
    you the questions.
    6) Time may be a great healer, but it’s a lousy beautician.
    7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.

    THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:

    1) You believe in Santa Claus.
    2) You don’t believe in Santa Claus.
    3) You are Santa Claus.
    4) You look like Santa Claus.

    SUCCESS:

    At age 4 success is . . . not piddling in your pants.
    At age 12 success is . . having friends.
    At age 17 success is . having a drivers licence.
    At age 35 success is . having money.
    At age 50 success is . . having money.
    At age 70 success is . . . having a drivers license.
    At age 75 success is . . . having friends.
    At age 80 success is . . not piddling in your pants.

    lmao
    Mike

    #13817

    I laughed so much . thanks for that Mike  lmao

    #13818

    Ohhhhh that’s wicked thanks :laugh: lmao

    #13838
    Kinky Kate
    Member

    lmao  Thanks Mike!! -Kate

    #13854
    PRH
    Member

    Thanks for making us laugh Mike!  lmao
      PRH

    #13855
    RebelsAnjel
    Member

    [quote author=mikeguk link=topic=2011.msg13271#msg13271 date=1173528383]
    Summary of Life

    GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:

    1) No matter how hard you try, you can’t baptize cats.
    2) When your Mum is mad at your Dad, don’t let her brush your hair.
    3) If your sister hits you, don’t hit her back. They always catch the
    second person.
    4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
    5) You can’t trust dogs to watch your food
    6) Don’t sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
    7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
    B) You can’t hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
    9) Don’t wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
    10) The best place to be when you’re sad is Grandpa’s lap.

    GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:

    1) Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree
    2) Wrinkles don’t hurt
    3) Families are like fudge…mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
    4) Today’s mighty oak is just yesterday’s nut that held its ground.
    5) Laughing is good exercise. It’s like jogging on the inside.
    6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.

    GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD

    1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
    2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
    3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you’re down
    there
    4) You’re getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair
    that you
    once got from a roller coaster.
    5) It’s frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask
    you the questions.
    6) Time may be a great healer, but it’s a lousy beautician.
    7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.

    THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:

    1) You believe in Santa Claus.
    2) You don’t believe in Santa Claus.
    3) You are Santa Claus.
    4) You look like Santa Claus.

    SUCCESS:

    At age 4 success is . . . not piddling in your pants.
    At age 12 success is . . having friends.
    At age 17 success is . having a drivers licence.
    At age 35 success is . having money.
    At age 50 success is . . having money.
    At age 70 success is . . . having a drivers license.
    At age 75 success is . . . having friends.
    At age 80 success is . . not piddling in your pants.

    lmao
    Mike

    LOL!!!! I luv it!!! Way to funny and ALL so true LOL!!!

Viewing 6 posts - 1 through 6 (of 6 total)
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